a christmas wish

with the coming of Christmas I'd like the opportunity to write a lil about life and triathlon and family. I speak often about how tri will change you. I mean that. I am confident that if you have completed or raced one, you understand what i mean. even if you have stood and witnessed the beauty of the finish line-you are different coming away from it. I am not sure how to pinpoint it and i don't think one can. perhaps its the strength of human spirit. the commodore of endless will. the bullet proof strength of toleration. the magic of sweat. the mystery of soul searching. the journey itself. look into the eyes of any one of the 2000+ eyes at mile 24 of an Ironman and you will have your answer but you wont be able to pinpoint it either....but something will click.

I think often about my family. Odd because i have three brothers that i don't really speak to. they don't understand me. i dont expect them to. they've never been to a race and they could care less about asking me about my journey. they are missing out. i still think of them often in the heat of my race. sometimes I've even hallucinated on the run....mistaking some brown haired tall stranger on the side of the run course for one of my brothers. then i smack myself and realize that that man was just someone else's brother or father or supporter. I've learned in triathlon the priority of life. How unimportant work is. How unimportant shopping is. how unimportant negativity is. fretting over the little things. getting grumpy over the stupid shit that doesn't matter. how nothing matters...nothing really matters except for life itself and those brave soldiers that stick through the journey with us. we are so weak when compared to the elements. we are on this massive planet and survival is all we can do. live good--honest, loving, caring. the universe is far too expansive. the cliche about not sweating the small stuff is so true. in a world where nothing is certain---where we have no control--if we put one foot in front of the other, we will go forward. one step at a time. the little victories. the little certainties that we create for ourselves...and in the end we just hope that our family, friends, and supporters are at that finish line. and in the spirit of this damn sport WHAT DO WE THINK ABOUT AT THAT FINISH LINE? do you even think about the $10,000 bike? the pimped out sneakers on your feet? the wetsuit that ran you $500? not a chance do i think about that crap. i think about my family. my journey. the reality that i created. the essence of what life seems to be all about.

i am not sure where i am going with this. but for me, the holidays are most certainly about the family. the presents are tradition but mean nothing to me. the dinner table is the most beautiful place next to the finish line. to embrace your family. to hold hands. to look at each other and realize--these are the same faces. these are the same faces that each year i break bread with. these are the people that matter. a seat at the table may go empty and we hope that it may be filled one day with a child. the circle of life. those are the people that matter. your blood. and for those of you that are parents and who sit at that table with your children...the world that you and your spouse have so generously and selflessly created and nurtured...suck it in. breath in that moment and feel the power of love. forget all else. forget the job. the annoying cousin. the fact that that one last gift isn't wrapped. the string of lights on the tree that wont light. the burnt turkey. the time. forget it all. it doesn't matter. nothing matters. nothing matters but life.

stay up late. relish the moment. long after the table has been cleaned. long after the kiddies are in bed. stay up and hold each other. look out the window out onto the night. feel lucky that you have one another. savor.

my Christmas wish is that this blog makes sense to you. perhaps it is jumbled and erratic. but my feelings run so deep and its hard to collect them. i tend to just write as i think and i don't stop to think about whether it is fluid. embrace those you love and forget the nonsense. put the past behind you. open your heart. liberate yourself. and succumb.
let this holiday season change you.

be well .be safe. thanks for reading. Happy holidays.